“You’re Strong” Isn’t Always Comforting

When Encouragement Feels Lonely

If you’ve been caregiving for any length of time, you’ve likely heard:

“You’re so strong.”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“You’re amazing.”

These words are meant to lift you. And sometimes, they do. But other times… they land with a quiet ache.

Because strength isn’t always a choice. It’s a necessity. And when people only see your strength, they may miss your softness, your exhaustion, or your quiet wish for someone to share the weight.

This post isn’t about rejecting praise—it’s about reshaping it to feel more connected, more real, and more helpful.

What Caregivers Say

“Every time someone told me I was strong, it reminded me that I had to keep being strong—alone.”

Others say it feels like being admired from a distance, rather than supported up close.

And yet—you are strong. Just not in the superhuman way people sometimes imagine.

You’re strong because:

You show up, even when you’re not sure how.
You try again tomorrow, even when today was hard.
You carry love in one hand and grief in the other—and keep walking.

That kind of strength deserves tenderness.

What the Research Shows

According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and the AARP:

61% of caregivers feel unseen or misunderstood by friends and extended family.
Caregivers are less likely to ask for help when they’re praised but not supported.
The most effective forms of help are concrete, specific, and offered without pressure.

A neighbor saying, “I’ll bring dinner Tuesday—no need to answer the door” does more than five “You’re so strong” texts.

Praise is kind. Presence is powerful.

A Gentle Practice: Words That Truly Land

Here are some words caregivers have said felt like real support:

“You don’t have to hold it all together with me.”
“I’m not sure what to say, but I’m here.”
“What’s one small thing I can do this week?”
“You deserve rest, too. Let’s find a way.”

If you’re a caregiver reading this, try writing a few phrases you wish someone would say. You might not hear them yet—but just naming them can help create the space where they could be spoken.

Final Thought

You are strong. You are doing something deeply meaningful.

But you were never meant to do it alone.

Let’s create a culture where we don’t just admire caregivers—we care for them.

With food.

With time.

With quiet companionship.

With presence.

And if all you hear this week is “You’re strong,”may it also come with a casserole, a moment of stillness, and the freedom to say, “I don’t have to be today.”

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”—Brené Brown